The Round Table

Ask The Shark

Everett Dolan, Reporter

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Q: Hey Shark, me and my best friend have a crush on the same guy, I really like him but I don’t want to ruin our friendship, what should I do?

Shark: I think the most reasonable solution to your problem is to just go for him, studies have proven that your high school crush has way better odds of lasting than your silly friend. Mark your territory and let your friend know who is boss, making a deliberate move on your crush while your friend is watching should do the trick. Shoot your shot, its 2018.

 

Q: What is up Shark, as of recently I have been arguing with my teammates over my selfish behaviour in our games, what should I do to resolve this?

Shark: Resolve this, you are golden my friend. Every brainiac on the planet will tell you that tension amongst a team is only the fuel for success. My next move would be to attempt to assert your dominance as the sole leader of the team, the whole ¨no I in team¨ is extremely played out, I mean the ¨i” is inside the ¨A¨ in team. Look at the New York Jets, they all get along and look how well they did last season.

 

Q: Sup Shark, I am beyond tired of watching the Knicks lose season after season, what should they do this offseason to turn the franchise around?

Shark: What do I look like, a miracle worker? Next question.

 

Q: Hey shark, it´s promposal season, how do I ask a girl to prom?

Shark: Do not even consider promposing, the ship has sailed on prom for you if you have to reach out to me for advice on this. I suggest a big tub of ice cream, multiple boxes of tissues and a new show to distract you from the fact that you are hopeless.

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