Breaking My Silence

Why Coming Out Was One of the Best Decisions I Ever Made

Breaking+My+Silence

Juliana Ferraro, Staff Writer

I had been quiet about my love life for as long as I had one. I’d never opened up to my family about it. Of course, even back when I liked guys, I always had those friends who knew who I was interested in, and they always made fun of me when he passed us in the hallway. I always wish I had been more open with my family about that, even though most teens are not.

I was silent until I decided to be honest with myself and my family. It’s never easy telling your family something they don’t expect to hear. I decided to break my silence when I came out. I started with my friend who I trusted could keep this secret. I wasn’t ready for everyone to know. I had never felt so vulnerable before. I told her knowing she would understand and support me. I was utterly confused about all of my feelings. She was the source of a lot of my clarity that night. She calmly reassured me that it was 100 percent okay to be attracted to another girl, and told me I wasn’t alone. She made me realize that it’s okay to have feelings for whoever I was attracted to. Before that, I thought that I was wrong and should be ashamed of my feelings. It was one of the hardest emotional obstacles I’ve had to overcome.

Coming out to friends and family was very difficult. I found it took the most courage to come out to my closest and best friends. I still have yet to officially tell a lot of my close friends I’m gay. I just found it was easier to have them find out through social media than for me to work up enough courage to tell them. I made myself believe that since they were the closest to me, they had the most potential of hurting me. I think I came out to my lifelong best friend over a Facebook message. I knew that she was (and is) one of the most accepting people there is, but I was still terrified. I realized that if they didn’t accept me, they shouldn’t be my friend anyway. Having this new mindset, opened my eyes and made me more comfortable with the friends that surround me. From there, I started telling my friends and eventually decided to tell my parents. I didn’t know what, when, or how to tell them. Growing up, they always told me they’d love me no matter what. Once I came out to my parents, it kept getting easier!

One of my favorite ways I came out to one friend was in a seminar. I had gone to the same seminar three times in two days. I loved this particular speaker. I really valued each message she was teaching. In the last seminar, we were participating in a group discussion. In the room, there was about 200 teens from all over the world. Somehow, sexuality and being comfortable with it came up. Hearing everyone go back and forth telling stories about their friends or siblings inspired me to break my silence. This is when I really felt I had broken my silence and faced my fear. I raised my hand and proudly spoke out about myself. “I am gay, but no one really knows that……..well I guess now people do.” Everyone broke out into laughter. I felt like everything that had been dragging me down was lifted off of my shoulders. People came up to me after the session and told me stories about how they are gay, but they’re not out yet or they’re scared to tell their parents. One guy actually came up to me in tears telling me I am the first person he’s told that he’s gay. After that moment, I felt as if my whole world had changed. If I could have this pride for the rest of my life, nothing could make me happier.

Since then, I have gotten nothing but endless love and support from friends, family, and even bosses! I even got a weekend off of work from my openly gay boss to go to NYC Pride. Everyone has been incredibly accepting and this journey has really showed me a lot about the quality of my friends. Every single one of my friends and family members have been incredibly supportive.

“Would you change your sexuality if you could?”

“No, I can’t and I won’t. Why would anyone choose not to love someone whom they love so much?”

This whole process is just the beginning of a new and improved way of living. I have loved the journey thus far and can’t wait for it to bring me new and wonderful things in the future. It’s quite an incredible experience.

Breaking the silence (about anything) is not easy by any means; It takes time, courage, and support. Coming to terms with something that may be difficult to wrap your head around is all part of life. It may not be a struggle within yourself; It might be something a friend or family member is dealing with. Being there for your loved ones is very important and will undoubtedly make their journey much easier.