We have finally reached January: everyone’s “favorite” time of the year. If the weather isn’t getting you down, your midterms probably are. Between cramming the information that actually matters into your head, and trying to forget everything else to make room, you are probably in a state of everlasting headaches and stress. But do not fear! I bring you a list of so-called “facts” from your elementary and middle school days that you can erase from your mind. They are now either completely false or irrelevant, so clear them out and make room for more important things.

1. Cornell Notes is the only note-taking method you can use.

False. See my notebook. Or any other student’s notebook at Stamford High School.

2. Don’t forget how to write in cursive because it will be necessary in the future.

This isn’t the 18^th century. Learn how to type instead.

3. Not walking in a line is wrong.

Though the halls of Stamford High can be considered a zoo during passing time, most of the students who are trying to get to class do get there on time, and there are no lines in sight.

4. If you wear flip flops you will be sent home.

That is not how the real world works. In the real world, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to decide whether or not you want to risk your life and wear these “unsafe” shoes. Good luck.

5. Succeed in school and you’ll get ice cream!

Say goodbye to the quarterly Honor Roll Ice Cream Party. After middle school, ice cream is not a sign of success. It is your go-to comfort food when you fail a test, get dumped, or just need a little pick me up.

6. Scooter Island is exercise.

Sorry gym teachers, but I don’t think getting pushed around on a scooter in an attempt to hop from mat to mat across the gymnasium without touching the floor will burn off that Cheesecake Factory meal from last night.

7. Line leaders are important.

The common misconception that there is any relationship between one’s coolness and one’s place in line is completely unsupported and not true.

8. Recess is limited to 30 minutes a day.

There are these things called “vacation” and “retirement” in which a recess lasts all day.  Every day. Look forward to it.

9. It is equally cool to dress up as a Pilgrim and Native American on Thanksgiving.

Everyone knows that wearing face paint and a Native American headdress is much cooler than a bonnet or a top hat. Let’s be real: half the children in elementary school get screwed over every Thanksgiving celebration.

10. You’ll get at least 20 valentines every Valentine’s Day.

Sadly, unless you’re Justin Bieber or Kim Kardashian, this is probably not the case. However, you can go to your local pharmacy the day after Valentine’s Day and buy your own chocolate. It will taste even better because it’s on sale! That’ll show ‘em.

11. Christopher Columbus was an awesome dude.

Basically everything you thought you knew about Columbus in elementary school was a lie.  It’s time to channel our inner Spongebob Squarepants and start celebrating Leif Erikson Day.

12. Memorizing the spelling of words is essential to your survival as a human being.

Cough cough spell check.

13. “Your teachers aren’t going to take this behavior next year”

This phrase is not confined to only elementary and middle school; teachers across the board use this empty threat in an attempt to make students feel ashamed of their actions. And in my experience, it has never been true.