In a day and age where everything is online—job applications, bills and even ads for the newest weight-loss programs—I understand why college applications get thrown in there too. Trust me, I get it; I wouldn’t want to print and hand-write all of the applications like the “ye’ olde” people of 2004. I do have some respect for saving the environment by eliminating all the printing, and my hand doesn’t mind being saved from all the cramps of writing, but Naviance, a website the claims to “maximize every student’s potential and improve institutional effectiveness,” does the exact opposite. It wastes time and inefficiently generates endless surveys on my supposed “career options” with so-called catchy names like “cluster finder.”

Well, guess what? The acclaimed “cluster finder” doesn’t end up “finding” anything, and six pages worth of activity checklists later, I’m at my wit’s end and still not any closer to deciding what I’m going to do with my future. For all the readers who haven’t started the Naviance process yet, don’t worry: it assures me that I’m interested in “having a flexible schedule” and “working on completing tasks in the face of danger.” Good thing all the colleges I’m interested in are worried if I, PAULOMI RAO, can take a midterm with the danger of a wild grizzly bear in the room.

Besides the helpfulips on which college reps are visiting the career center, Naviance is like any other annoying website. Yet unlike the advertisements that pop up claiming I’m the 100^th visitor!!! (yay) and I win a free iPhone, they announce I’m the 100^th million high school student to show interest in University X. It just so happens that they have my transcripts and GPA included in small print along with the phrase “only the first 2% of callers actually receive an iPhone and an acceptance letter.” The website pulls you in millions of directions, but fortunately for us, it makes it very obvious to the huge audience reading my “game plan” (that would be me and my guidance counselor) that it is extremely important for the type of college I choose to “give me an advantage in my chosen career field.” Sorry Ma, it turns out colleges are NOT actually supposed to teach you how to live at home for the rest of your life. Whoops, my bad. In any event, if college essays, standardized testing, AP’s, recommendations, internships and extracurriculars don’t stress you out enough; there might be something wrong and you should consider contacting a psychiatrist. Or, you can just check the number of surveys piling up in the “what are my interests?” tab, and don’t worry: the anxiety attacks will begin again.

Figuring out how to get accepted into the college of my dreams might take a long time, but in the meantime, I’m going to try again to complete the “my personality survey.” Hopefully, Naviance will be handy when I apply for a job, because apparently I like careers that allow me “to work with interesting people whose competence I respect.” Well, for a website that’s supposed to be preparing me for my future, I don’t think it could be more right. Thanks, Nav(Captain Obvious)iance.