First kisses ARE awkward; there is no denying that. Damn you, Nicholas Sparks, for making us think that we are alone in our suffering from first-kiss-failures. Attention people of the world: you are not alone! Know that whatever you were told about how steamy and perfect a first kiss is, is an utter lie.

When asked about their first kisses, Stamford High School students were initially reluctant to talk. They truly believed that they were the only ones with a funny or embarrassing tale surrounding the first time their lips brushed another pair.

Not only were their stories laughable, but they were oddly relatable. To share detailed experiences that everyone has, but few are willing to talk about, is extremely courageous, and I applaud them. To reward their courage and to protect the identity of the other party (because as we all know, it takes two to tango), I have offered them the option of anonymity, which a few opted to accept.

This first story about Sophomore Jelani Jackson is so funny it’s going to make you want to bang your head up against a wall. Jackson’s first kiss was in a middle school hallway. He was chilling with his girl by the lockers, when a crowd began to form around them. “So, are you ready to kiss now?” she asked him. “I guess,” responded Jackson, ever so romantically. They both had their eyes closed, hearts full and were just so excited that they missed! The girl was unharmed, but Jackson’s momentum got the better of him, and he proceeded to hit his head on the locker his girl was leaning against. Embarrassed, and looking to give their spectators what they came for, they tried again, and fortunately, it was a success! After the show, the crowd dispersed, and Jackson began to walk to his next class, when he was “slingshotted” back. His shirt was wedged into a locker. Frantically tugging and panicking, he finally spotted and managed to flag down a custodian, who detached him. Stuck in love, Jelani?

Now, I advise you to get out your popcorn for this one, ladies and gents. A junior girl who would like to remain anonymous was invited to a movie theater by her kisser, who told her that he’d be bringing along some friends (likely in an effort to persuade her to accept the invitation or to reduce the chance of an awkward atmosphere). He didn’t bring any friends. Awwwwkwarddd. The two sat in a nearly empty theater, with only an elderly couple (who could have picked anywhere to sit) directly behind them. Mid-movie, he made his move. Now get this: moments into the make-out-sesh, the elderly couple began laughing at them! If that wasn’t uncomfortable enough, at the termination of the movie, the girl went to the bathroom. As she washed her hands and nonchalantly glanced in the mirror, her heart skipped a beat. There was a ring around her lips where all of her make-up had been…well….removed by the boy’s saliva. Now ladies, we can all learn from each other’s mistakes. Your take-away from this girl’s experience should be that waterproof make-up should be applied if there is a remote chance of lip locking.

We’ve all experienced awkward silences, along with the accompanying and equally as awkward “laughs.” Now, what we haven’t all experienced is leaning in for our first kiss while simultaneously awkward-laughing. Fortunately, an anonymous source has had this experience, and we finally know the result of this interesting combination! “We bumped teeth.” More awkward laughter followed, along with another, more successful smooch.

Senior Danny Meduri’s first kiss was at an ice rink – a fairy tale setting, really. The two bashful lovebirds decided that they should not only have their first kiss, but “see how long [they] could hold it for.” They kissed, they saw, and they counted.

Now, to set the scene for our final story, it was your average day in Kindergarten: ABC’s, 1,2,3’s, and of course, recess. It all started with a game of tag, but not just your ordinary game of tag. There was a twist: you had to kiss whoever you tagged. She needed to be “it.” She had had her eye on her “super cute” crush for far too long. After taking down a few fellow kindergarteners to secure her position as “it,” she ran as fast as her light-up sketchers would allow, and planted one on him. Little-kid-love is real, people. Forget your high school sweetheart, your elementary school lover is clearly where it’s at.

Whether you’ve kissed, missed, bumped, banged, or anything in between, know it’s all part of the first kiss experience. Unlike a lot of the situations the saying “practice makes perfect” is applied to, it actually rings true here.